It’s finally happened. Chad Johnson has lost his freaking mind. That’s right, in a successful attempt to outdo fellow NFL douchebag Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, legally changed his last name to Ocho Cinco. I’m serious. He went down to Florida, his home state, and said to a judge, “You know what? I want my last name to be Ocho Cinco.” And even more surprising, the judge said it was ok.
But I guess that it isn’t all good for Johns…I’m sorry, Mr. Ocho Cinco. Reebok doesn’t want Ocho Cinco on the back of his jersey because they have already made thousands of jerseys with “Johnson” on the back. So now Reebok wants him to buy all of the jerseys that they made with Johnson on the back so they don’t get completely screwed out of money. But something tells me that it won’t be too hard for Johnson to pay for those jerseys. Right now he’s in the middle of a 6-year, 35.5 million dollar contract, which certainly isn’t helping stop his progress towards his goal. Once again a Hispanic heritage month joke has gotten out of control.
But what scares me the most is that this might start a trend. What if a Spanish trend just swept through the NFL? Kickers might actually sound cool. Can you imagine instead of Robbie Gould, Senor Zapato. What a badass name. He might actually make friends. And sorry all you kickers (not for what I’m saying but because you’re kickers), we just can’t have that. It’s a rule that kickers will only speak when spoken to, and they may not have any sort of contact with anyone, unless it’s the holder and it’s strictly work-related. It’s in the rulebook, look it up.
Now granted, I do think that this is just absolutely hilarious, don’t get me wrong. I love the crazy antics, on the field and off. And I can’t think of anything funnier than John Madden explaining with a telestrator to a groaning Sunday Night Football audience what Ocho Cinco means. But I’m sorry, Chad Ocho Cinco just doesn’t roll off the tongue.
But I guess that it isn’t all good for Johns…I’m sorry, Mr. Ocho Cinco. Reebok doesn’t want Ocho Cinco on the back of his jersey because they have already made thousands of jerseys with “Johnson” on the back. So now Reebok wants him to buy all of the jerseys that they made with Johnson on the back so they don’t get completely screwed out of money. But something tells me that it won’t be too hard for Johnson to pay for those jerseys. Right now he’s in the middle of a 6-year, 35.5 million dollar contract, which certainly isn’t helping stop his progress towards his goal. Once again a Hispanic heritage month joke has gotten out of control.
But what scares me the most is that this might start a trend. What if a Spanish trend just swept through the NFL? Kickers might actually sound cool. Can you imagine instead of Robbie Gould, Senor Zapato. What a badass name. He might actually make friends. And sorry all you kickers (not for what I’m saying but because you’re kickers), we just can’t have that. It’s a rule that kickers will only speak when spoken to, and they may not have any sort of contact with anyone, unless it’s the holder and it’s strictly work-related. It’s in the rulebook, look it up.
Now granted, I do think that this is just absolutely hilarious, don’t get me wrong. I love the crazy antics, on the field and off. And I can’t think of anything funnier than John Madden explaining with a telestrator to a groaning Sunday Night Football audience what Ocho Cinco means. But I’m sorry, Chad Ocho Cinco just doesn’t roll off the tongue.
1 comment:
I kind of like the name Chad Ocho Cinco, but I hope he realizes that Ocho Cinco doesn't even mean 85.
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